I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
