Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
