i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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