I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You may now shotgun with the bride
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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