We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
