you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All I want is dick and wine.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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