She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
