my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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