my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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