see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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