dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize