just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
