Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Its about making memories worth repressing
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
