Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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