does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
