I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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