Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
