dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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