mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
They are going to name an STD after you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
