ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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