3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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