sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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