the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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