If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I cockslap morals
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize