Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
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