I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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