Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize