I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Houston, we have a blender
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize