I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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