Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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