I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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