You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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