happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
