I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Text me some of your sweat
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
