It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Randomize
