I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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