I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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