Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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