You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
