She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
