If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
