I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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