also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
