The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
