Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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