I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
