Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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