there was a trapeze. enough said
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
