we have officially lost it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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