white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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