R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
