Apparently you make a good broom.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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