I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
