she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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