Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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