dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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