Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think I died a long time ago.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
