I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
