Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
