you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
