So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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