Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
