Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
