I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
