I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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