Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
