She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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