Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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