well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
