God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
