oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
