the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
