How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
