great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Houston, we have a blender
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
