Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize