I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
