I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
