this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
