K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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