why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this boner is exhausting
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
