In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
