Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
