I don't usually arrange sex via text message
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
