why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
